Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
