She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
