u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
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