is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
