This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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