508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
