I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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