i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
