just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
