My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
