Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
