that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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