In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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