If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
