As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
