You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
