then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
