but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
the gays at disneyland are vicious
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
