I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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