you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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