Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize