Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
So many bounce houses so little time
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize