Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
