Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
what day is it and did you see me today?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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