What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
