I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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