I think I am morally bankrupt
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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