I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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