"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
