you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
