Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
