How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
