can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I'm just crazy horny about you
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
