you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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