do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
