Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Everyone says I win the strip club
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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