i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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