"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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