What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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