this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
