He kissed a someone with a penis
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
