I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize