i was born a porn star she said
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize