How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
