it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize