I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
her vagine was all disorganized.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
