Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
