I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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