GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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