First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
