what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
