Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
