I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
porn star boner night. come get it.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
