What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
