You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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