as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
as a side note pls kill me
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