It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
