In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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