Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
