Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
