i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
