I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Did I show you my penis last night?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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