we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
