Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
