Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
