Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
