things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
The uberlube is also flammable
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
