been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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