A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
