I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
