i would punch a child for taco bell
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
