i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize