I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I feel like death gave me a hand job
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
