Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
