At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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