I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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