oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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