Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
