I hate your face
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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