Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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