Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
i think my cat just said my name.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
