i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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