Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
