shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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