but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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