How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
