I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
