Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
