i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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