Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
you will always have a special place in my vag
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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