erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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