Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
