Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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