My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Randomize
