maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
BRING THE BAGELS
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize