I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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