I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
