I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
