marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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