Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize
