Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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