dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
