Life is so much better after having sex.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
