I want to walk on stilts...naked
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize