i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
