how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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