finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
