I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
