I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
