try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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